Emotional numbness or emotional disconnect which is sometimes used interchangeably can affect us all differently and present itself in various ways such as:
- Difficulty in sharing feelings and emotions
- Feeling a disconnect from life and reality
- Difficulty in recalling memories
- Inability to accurately express emotions
- Avoidance of people, places and things that may trigger past traumas
- Difficulty relating to others and showing empathy
- Difficulty maintaining friendships and relationships including showing commitment
Some also describe being emotionally numb or disconnected as surviving life rather than living life as it doesn’t just rob us from being present in the moment, it can also stop us from fully experiencing the things in life that brings us joy. As emotional numbness and disconnection can potentially shut out all feelings and emotions not just the painful ones.
There are many different reasons as to why we may experience emotional numbness in our life time, most common being depression, anxiety, medication, bereavement, trauma and as a form of self-protection or coping mechanism when faced with difficult situations.
I recognised in my own personal life that I firstly experienced emotional numbness and disconnection in my early teens as a form of self-protection and as a response to trauma. I remember going to counselling years later when I was in college in an attempt to finally talk and work through things that I had never spoken about. I knew although blocking my emotions helped me to somewhat function and go through my teenage years, as I approached adulthood I didn’t want to be stuck this way and have emotional disconnection become a way of life for me.
I went to my first session and sat in the chair in the counselling room and wheeled off my story in minutes barely taking a breath. I recall my counsellor having this puzzled look on her face as she listened to me but also trying to work out what was beneath the surface of my words. She gave me the space to talk and off load and when I finished she took a breath and said ‘you share your story as if your reading from a script it’s not your own, over the next few months we are going to slow things down, walk through each moment together and rebuild your connection to yourself, your truth, your pain, your happiness and your story because only you can tell it’. It was only in that moment that I grasped just how disconnected and numb to everything I was. I had no connection to my own experiences, my feelings, my emotions and even my memories which I had to work through with my counsellor to get back as some parts had been completely shut out.
Thankfully there are many ways that we can work through emotional numbness and disconnection and although counselling worked for me, I can appreciate that this isn’t always case with everyone and exactly why it’s important to find what works for us as individuals.
If you are experiencing emotional numbness here are a few things you can consistently do that will help you over time reconnect with yourself again:
- Start a written or verbal voice memo journal
This will help you tune into your feelings and actively engage with your emotions
- Set aside time to reflect on your feelings
Allow yourself to experience whatever emotion that comes up without trying to suppress it
- Talk about it
Talk about what the underlying factors maybe in a safe and trusted space with a friend, family member or therapist
- Exercise regularly and get your body moving
Often time’s emotional numbness stops us from feeling alive, exercise wakes us up and engages our whole being helping us to reconnect and feel alive again
- Identify what your triggers maybe and try new ways of responding to them
For example if you now start experiencing feelings of worry and anxiety respond to that with grounding exercises that helps to focus you on your breathing and senses
- Get professional help
Speak to your GP or health care professional and see what advice and support they can give
Find a counsellor that can help you work through emotional numbness and help you reconnect back with ‘yourself, your truth, your pain, your happiness and your story because only you can tell it’.
- Chaz’ara Melody
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